This is my Karson Clinical Report administered by Jim Malone, MFCC on October 4, 1993.1 So, I say to you psychiatrists and psychologists and the like all around the world, analyze and diagnose away.2 I’d like to see just how crazy I am or am not.
The first order of business: Who in their right mind would post his or her Karson Clinical Report on the Internet? 3 Is he or she someone who’s stupid or nuts or just sure of him or herself? The one thing it does show is that he or she feels and believes that she or he has absolutely nothing to hide.4 And that person is moi, yours truly, the one and only. (Man, this guy’s got a sizeable ego. Either that or he’s got a Napoleon Complex. He’s only 5’5 ½” tall. See? He had to include that extra half inch. Yep, Short Man Syndrome is right there in the running. And he’s talking to himself, addressing himself in the third person, or is it second? Why do they skip the second person? Beats me. You know, this is starting to look a lot like a split personality is present. We’d better keep an eye on him)
Second, my name is Richard, not “Richar.” I can see that Dr. Samuel Karson (aka “Sammy” herein), forgot to diagnose and analyze my anal retentiveness. By the way, is it by design that the word “anal” is in the word “analyze”? I Googled. The words, “ana” and “analyze” date back to Medieval Latin and Greek, meaning release, loosening, set free. Butt “anal retentive” means not releasing or loosening. Go figure. (Why do I feel constipated all of a sudden)
Taking a closer look, you know, maybe I shouldn’t have posted this thing. My Test-Taking Attitude don’t look so good. I “[tried] to look bad deliberately”? Who does that? I’m great. For example, look at Berberian Mystery Theatre. Isn’t the architect of this exposé just the bomb? I “exaggerate[d] anxiety symptoms for some reason”? Again, take a look at this website. Very little stress, angst, and anxiety level for someone thinking about, agonizing over, and haunted by this matter for, at the time of the test, thirteen years, and now, thirty-five years, with no end in sight. No big deal. Right, Sammy? This is your expert opinion? Notice what I’m doing this instant, a quarter of a century hence.
Because of the above-referenced deficiencies in my test-taking attitude, “the validity of the entire profile must be questioned.” (How assinine. I added the extra “s” to the word “asinine,” since things are so anal around here, discussing this matter, especially with me involved) Maybe we should toss the whole test out? Hold your horses, Sammy. Can’t we keep my 8, when it comes to intelligence? I couldn’t fake that, could I? Did I deliberately try to look bad there too? If so, then give me a 10 in that category, a genius! But I’m only 6 in shrewdness? What’s the difference between intelligence and shrewdness? Someone who’s very intelligent can be swindled by an astute shrewd con-artist? Is this what that means? Is that what this means? (See, anal retentive) Maybe the two diagnoses mean that I’m an all-around intelligent guy, but not in every single specific way. I’m gonna go with that. How many and which subcategories I’m good, average, or bad in, can be determined by an analysis and assessment of my commentary throughout Berberian Mystery Theatre. Fair enough, Sammy?
Psychoticism-7.2. Courtesy Google: “Psychoticism is one of the three traits used by the psychologist Hans Eysenck in his P–E–N [psychoticism, extraversion and neuroticism] model of personality. Psychoticism is a personality pattern typified by aggressiveness and interpersonal hostility. [I’m prone to depression, which is anger internalized, aggression towards me. You missed, Hans and Sammy] High levels of this trait were believed by Eysenck to be linked to increased vulnerability to psychosis such as schizophrenia. [I accept. But the only voices I hear are my own. I wish someone would call and tell me to shut the fuck up. Pardon my French] He also believed in a genetic basis to the trait, suggesting that blood relatives of psychotics would show high levels of psychoticism. [See, it’s in my genes. My parents were nuts] “Eysenck argued that there might be a correlation between psychoticism and creativity.” (Ergo, Berberian Mystery Theatre) I may as well just excrete, build a log cabin, drop some friends off at the lake, free the turtles, give birth to a food baby, ride the porcelain bus, Hershey squirt, lay a loaf, make a poopie, pinch one off, release the chocolate hostage, visit Uncle Grumpy, and talk to a man about a mule regarding this diagnosis. I’m three quarters of the way to being a loon? Too close for comfort, boss. Buh-bye to this one. If, however, I do jump two or three notches up, I’ll do crazy. I’m adventurous. I like to try new things.
Suspiciousness-8. Restricting the diagnosis to the matters discussed within this website, gee, I wonder why I’m so suspicious after having been flat-out lied to or told half-truths, which is lying, by every single attorney who has ever had anything to do with my lawsuit. Every single one of them. You think I’m kidding?
Neuroticism-8.8. You got me pegged there, Sammy. I am indeed a germophobe. But not on a scale like Howie Mandel. And I’m a clean freak when it comes to personal hygiene. But not obsessively/compulsively so like Jack Nicholson in, “As Good As It Gets.” I don’t use scalding hot water and four bars of soap to wash my hands. Inside my car, however, a filth-pit exists. Well, not filth. Just papers all over the place. Like this room where I’m creating this master analysis of Sammy Karson’s crapola. I mean, Sammy’s “Sixteen Personality Factor Questionnaire.”
Imagination-4. See, I told you I didn’t make this hidden agenda thing of mine up! It’s based on hard evidence. This diagnosis is a keeper. Thank you, Sammy. Oh, shit! My level of creativity is 9.2. Maybe I got creative with the hard cold facts just referenced. I could use a little help here, Bud… Thanks. I just spotted it: “This is not a person who gets carried away with his fantasies.” Whew! The secret agenda is true!! It’s for reals!!!
Exhibition-5.5. True. I’m an exhibitionist in words and documents and my thoughts, etcetera within Berberian Mystery Theatre. In fact, you’re seeing a primo example of my mental exhibitionism in the present posting. But I’m not an Anthony Weiner. And I have 0.0 inclination to wear a trench-coat and become a sidewalk/subway flasher. (Not much there to brag about, anyway. Wait! I could be lying. Humility becomes me. And I wear it well. I can do humble, if I want. Watch this. Question: “What’s 12 inches long and white.” Answer.-“Nothin.’”)
Heterosexuality-3.0. What’s this. Oh shi..t! God, no!! I might like guys!!! Not. Just a head fake. The score doesn’t bother me a bit, not one iota. (Not a smattering, not a smidgen, not a hangnail’s-worth) Line up the women and I’ll show you who’s boss in the doing-the-nasty department. (Sammy, can’t we blame my hetero-3.0 on my being such a warm and caring person? And it came through with flying colors on the test and you thought I was a girl?)
Succorance-8.9. Now, what does my psychological make-up have to do with something to sweeten one’s tea? (Wretched attempt at levity. See how honest I am? And by the bye, where’s the measure of my honesty in this KCR?) Just a sec…Okay, I Googled. I need a lot of nurturing. Again, from women, Sammy, from women. And yes, I was a mama’s boy. But I had good reason to be. She was unquestionably the kindest person I have ever met. I have absolutely no issues with Mommy. Only with Daddy. (But not in the oedipal-Freudian sense!)
Ego Strength-5. I’m right smack dab in the middle. I’ve got an ego tempered by the same amount of humility. Just an all-around, well-rounded, nice guy.
Personality Capsule Description. In the first paragraph, I’m “unusually timid, shy, and restrained.” In the next paragraph, I’m “a dominant person, and probably needs to be in some position of authority.” Go figure. Make up your frickin’ mind, Sammy! You’re making me schizophrenic with this all-too-often split-personality double-talk of yours.
Astrological sign-Scorpio. Sammy Karson, you forgot to measure me in this category. (I’m throwing it in) My being born on November 14, the general consensus of astrologers regarding yours truly is as follows: “Psychology is a field that often interests the Scorpio. [I was a psych major in college-UCLA] Human nature intrigues them. Scorpios love mystery, secrets, loyalty, privacy, trust, honesty/integrity, and knowing where they stand. But they cannot tolerate lying and deceit and insincerity. Scorpios are vengeful and carry the deceits of the past with a hurt as fresh as if it were yesterday. For the Scorpio, the truth is a given and it is their life’s mission to seek it out. [This needed emphasis] They are analytical and meditative. Self-deception is not something a Scorpio does. [But I don’t deceive others, either. How do I know? Because presently, I’m typing, and until I post these words, I’m really just talking to myself. And I’m honest with me. The celestial bodies just said so. This is the Age of Aquarius, man] They are secretive and intense. The Scorpio does not try to please others and does not care what the world thinks of them.”–Astrology has me pegged and pigeon-holed and stripped down to my birthday suit. I’ve been made. No more mystery about moi. Look to the heavens, if you wanna know about me, Sammy.
One last thing, Bro. Your name reminds me of one of my favorite singers from back in the day.-Sammy Davis, Jr. My favorite song of his comes topically and timely to mind. May I sing a few bars? Feel free to chime in, if you know the song:
“Whether I’m right, or whether I’m wrong, whether I sue my way into court, or never belong,
I gotta be me, I gotta be me, what else can I be, but what I am. I wanna sue, not merely survive, and
I won’t give up this dream of suing that keeps me alive, I gotta be me, sue Wells Fargo B., the
lawsuit I see, makes me what I am. That far away prize, settlement of success, is waiting for me,
by suing Haig, et al., I won’t settle down, won’t settle for less, as long as there’s a chance, that I can
sue them all. I’ll sue them alone, that’s how it must be, I can’t be right for my father’s case, if it’s not
right for me. I gotta be free, sue Wells Fargo B., daring to try, to sue Haig or die, I gotta be me!”
I got a bit carried away and sang the whole song. Sorry, Sammy. (And yeah, yeah, yeah, so I changed a few words)
|Sammy Davis Jr.
1 Jim Malone is since deceased. He passed unexpectedly and prematurely in his late 30’s/early 40’s.
2 As I said and as I have said elsewhere within Berberian Mystery Theatre (and will again once I post my MMPI-Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory, the bible of tests for shrinks and the like), I extend an invitation to any and all interested psychiatrists and licensed psychologists who might be interested in analyzing my Karson Clinical Report, to submit the results to me at firstname.lastname@example.org. I will post them to this website regardless of what they say about me. That is, analyze Sammy’s analysis. Tell us all what it adds up to, what it really says.
3 I swear that I haven’t looked into what all of this shit adds up to, what it really means, clinically-speaking. And I don’t recall Malone telling me. So I’m flying blind and by the seat of my pants in my own personal (tongue-in-cheek, or maybe, foot-in-mouth) analysis of the subject KCR.
4 Including his or her gender. No gender identity problems around here. I’m a he:)